Wednesday, May 06, 2009

The Ritual

Every night, before I go to bed, I make my rounds through each of the bedrooms.

Careful to go unnoticed, I tuck and wrap, rearrange little heads and reposition little legs. The chubby baby arms and legs that dangle through the crib slats always get me most.

I bend down low and lay my cheek close to theirs. The methodical sound of their deep rest is so comforting. At the end of hard days, I need this sort of affirmation.

Because it is dark and quiet, I can allow the tears to fall. The day's end is full of exhaustion and the remembering is sometimes overwhelming.

Will they forget my shortcomings? The harsh words or cutting glances?
Will they remember that I praised their efforts and genuinely enjoyed their presence?

So my tears turn to prayer and I am once again begging for grace to fill in the gaps.

These nighttime rituals have been a part of my life for over 14 years. At times I stop at their doorways and with my eyes closed, I visit the day where that room is void of childhood slumber.

I can hardly conjure up the image, but even the glimpse is breathtaking.

And the grace? I thank God it is sufficient.


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7 comments:

Laura said...

You made me cry and now my mascara is running, so I have to fix it before I leave for work - thanks! Just kidding, I do the same thing every night, it brings some closure to the too busy days. I can't stand to go to bed til everyone else is asleep.

Leslie said...

Beautiful post. I'm composing myself right now....aaahhhh, being a mommy is such hard work, physically and emotionally. You summed it up so well. God's grace is sufficient.

Wendy said...

You have me in tears, Kim. I can relate so much to this. So thankful for His grace!

gypsy@Hebrews11:13 said...

Oh, you are a writer! That gave me chills:) God's grace IS sufficient- I keep reminding myself of this as we go through this difficult and overwhelming new journey that we are on.

Jill said...

You captured that "moment" of motherhood so perfectly. I love when my kids have been sick and fighting a fever and are sleeping so restfully finally. While I wish sometimes I had slept then with them I have loved those still quiet moments when the gratitude I have is overwhelming.
On those days I know it's only been by grace!

April said...

Great post Kim, you made me tear up and gave me chills. LOVE your blog, love your kids pictures. You have a beautiful family. I'm so proud for you what your life has become. I hope we can stay in touch. So glad I found you!!

Love you, April Turner Woosley

Amy said...

So sweet! This too is how I often feel. You've very beautifully painted a picture of my heart for my kids. There is no greater calling.

Thank you.