Did you know you can make cottage cheese in about 15 minutes? Oh yes. You can.
Here's what you do. Give your emptied belly preschooler two large cups of milk first thing in the morning. Be sure and expose him to to an upchucking 4-year old the previous day. That last part is of the utmost importance.
Seriously, the boy gulped down his milk. Two large glasses. Threw them up only minutes later and "Wa-La"....cottage cheese.
No warning whatsoever. Emma and Samuel both could throw-up in the middle of taking their SAT's or walking a tightrope and just wipe off their chin, blow their nose, and keep right on going. What in the world is that??? Hannah and I go into hysteria mode. Honestly, I am talking about real live hysterical behavior. With a whole lot of tears and hollerin' out "oh, God, please don't let me throw up" chant-like prayers while rolling around on our backs. It is a site to behold. Lucky for us we don't "behold" it very often.
Samuel had two concerns:
1.) When can I finish my breakfast?
2.) Please don't wash my hair. (which was filled with cottage cheese)
He never even bothered to sit up. He just laid back in his eezy-breezy fashion, drinking his milk, watching a little Arthur. And then started throwing up. But he never moved his body or made a sound. Just sat there and threw up all over himself (and the sofa and the non-washable pillows). I come around the corner because Emma says, "Mommmmaa....I think Samuel is spilling his milk"
Oh, yesiree. That's what he was doing all right.
When I get to him, he just takes a deep breath....puts both hands up in the air (like "I dunno") and shrugs his shoulders. As if to say, "ain't my fault".
I go to scoop him up and this obviously sets off the barf-button in the brain so he starts up again. Now it is aimed straight at me. I flip him around and try to make a run for the bathroom. He is still spilling over. Emma is watching from the kitchen and starts to cry. Merciful Heavens.
"Oh sugar, what's wrong?" (me)
"I just can stand it, momma. I hate to see him go through that. It makes me worried and scared." (E)
Well then. Now you know how I feel, huh?
I banish her to upstairs, call the neighbor to take her to school, coat her with Lysol & hand sanitizer, and send her with a banana.
Time to set off the Lysol and Febreeze Bomb in my house. Time to try and scoop cottage cheese clumps off my furniture. Time to convince my boy that he WILL NOT be consuming anything for the next several hours.
This was not on the agenda.